Pain and a Promise
by RebbieChan
Summary: Oneshot of episode 14 from Amon's point of veiw. It was just another hunt. He repeated to himself to keep his barriers from crumbling at the thought of doing the unthinkable.


He didn't know why he did it. It hurt him too, his stomach twisting up into knots. This recurring memory was the cause of all his nightmares and all his regrets.

**Pain**

He understood from the beginning that it would come to this. Over and over he told himself, as a sick distraction from what he was about to do. And always the ever-pressing, nagging thought would come into is head.

_You're hunting her because she saved you._

And again his loyal thoughts would shoot back that it didn't matter, all her saving him did was prove that she could and would kill.

_But hadn't we always known that? She had to kill when working at HQ anyway- and as orders!_

He refused to look at her, who sat next to him in his car ready for the hunt, she had no idea. If only she could see the turmoil eating away at his already damned soul. _Then_ she would know, and she could possibly save herself. How he wanted to turn to her small form and tell her everything, like a wayward son to his mother. What was it about her that made him want to confess everything bad he's ever done, and plead for her forgiveness? What did _her_ forgiveness, a _witches'_ forgiveness, matter to him?

She noticed him looking at her and smiled at him before asking him if he needed something from her.

"No." He replied a little too forcefully, he noticed when Robin quickly turned her head away from him with a bob of those strange pony tails. He told himself to ignore it, he didn't need to worry about her feelings at this point.

Then she spoke his name, so gently and full of care and admiration, to ask him a simple question. "Amon? Afterwards could we stop at the store?"

His stomach sank. "Sure." He could see the reflection of her smile in the window.

_She's only a child._

"Do you remember the plan?" He asked, stepping out of the car.

"Yes." There was a hint of annoyance. She didn't like that he asked her that before every hunt, he knew that and that was why he always asked it. She put her glasses on, he wished she hadn't- he didn't want the possibility of her knowing that it was him when he did it, and having better eyesight wouldn't help that.

He took out his gun, loaded heavier with the special bullets, and they moved into position on either side of the entrance.

It was like getting a shot or giving a speech, he just had to get it done with.

He nodded and she started off in front of him, she wouldn't know that he had taken a different path than the one they had planned out.

Dread tugged at him as he climbed up to where he would easily see and hit his mark. As he got ready he saw her standing there. It looked like she was talking to herself. He snapped on a scope for aim and caught her head right at the cross. He watched her for a while, curious at her strange behavior. She knelt down on the ground as if to examine something but nothing was there.

It didn't matter _what _she was doing, she wasn't doing her job and she wasn't in range. He knew the only reason he watched her so long was because he was procrastinating, it wasn't as if he didn't do anything for long enough that he wouldn't have to do it anymore. No matter how long he waited, the trigger had to be pulled, whether he liked it or not.

He told her to basically get moving and she stood, hurrying off to where she was supposed to be. He watched her attempts at stealth and noted idly to himself why she thought it was a good idea to wear that dress.

She peered around a corner, searching for the nonexistent witch. Despite the knowing feeling inside him, he aimed. And when she tucked back behind the wall, despite everything he felt telling him other wise, he fired.

She heard the noise of his gunshot and fell out of the way in time to dodge it.

On the ground she turned her head, readying her craft at a spot too far to his left.

_This is sick._

She frantically glanced around, searching for her enemy only to be hit with one of his bullets. His stomach twisted in knots as he saw her being forced back against a grate with the impact, wincing as she let out a small cry of pain.

Yet he shot, once, twice before jumping off his ledge to escape. Each time his insides turned as he had the subconscious feeling of wanting it to be him instead of her. He felt the heat of her flames erupting where he had previously stood and ran.

He ran not from fear of her finding him, but in hopes that this feeling would be left behind.

_You have to go back._

He knew that and feared it more than anything. To be indifferent as she frantically told him about what he had been doing to her, and to not give it away? To not admit to it? When she trusted him to believe her, he would lie and shut her down?

_You're a fool._

A fool for caring. A fool for following orders. A fool for being so damn confused when things were supposed to be simple.

He felt barriers that had been put up so long ago waver from the force of his jumbled emotions as he turned and retraced his steps back towards where she waited, but he only let one of those emotions to slip through.

She saw him coming and called out to him, the way she spoke his name this time was laced with fear and searching for a comfort that he would not give. "Amon!" He only glared up at her for her to know that something was up. She quickly climbed down the ladder and came towards him. She spoke again, a little more tentatively than usual. "There were gunshots…" but trailed off when she realized he seemed mad at her. "Amon?" Her body language shifting to shyness as one hand raise up near her mouth, the other suspended by her side.

"What are you talking about?" he demanded.

"Didn't you hear the-?"

"What _I_ want to know is why you let the witch escape!" All the anger he held inside, anger that he didn't finish it, anger that he tried to, that he was given these orders that made him feel this way, he forced it into the words that he said to her. "What were you doing up there!" He was taking out all his frustrations on her.

_On an innocent little girl._

"The gunshots…" Again his cold stare shut her down and she cast her eyes to the floor.

"I heard nothing." He spat as he turned around and stalked off towards the entrance that they used before.

She stayed rooted to where she stood, he could tell because he could not hear the sound of her heels clacking after him. "Amon, I'm not…" He didn't show any sign that he was listening or had even heard her, only continued on and turned out of her sight. "…Amon?" He could hear her footsteps now, hurrying to catch up with him. He pretended as if he didn't notice her next to him. "You didn't hear them?" she asked cautiously, flinching when he glared at her in response. She dropped back to walk behind him.

It was he who felt ashamed. She was confused and panicking in despair, it radiated from her. For the first time in over fifteen years, he wanted to break down. He wanted to cry. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to scream. Only silence filled the air as they drove back to Raven's Flat, both completely forgetting about going to the store.

She desolately followed him up to the office and slumped into a chair as he moved on to give the report. He knew that his boss could tell how frustrated he was and waited for him to lecture about the hunt. His boss told him the same things he told himself over and over again, but nothing quelled his feelings. He felt so defeated; he kept telling himself how wrong doing this to her was and yet the moment he had started running away from her flames, he had sent the message to ready the factory for the second attempt. Was he just too used to following orders? Or had her mask of innocence tricked him?

He nodded to the man as he warned him about hesitating tomorrow night. "I won't, sir." The words came out so naturally despite the pain in his heart as he spoke them. He stepped out of the office and she lifted her eyes to his.

"Never make a mistake like this again. I heard no gunshots." She lowered her eyes again.

He left the office and took his car out and around the corner to wait for her to pass, when she did he followed. He stopped on the side of the street across from her building and started up to the room that he had rented for the next two nights in the building next to his parked car.

He studied the room, it was bigger than his own and had a better TV, and decided that he would stay here tonight instead of going home. He lay down on the bed and stared up at the plaster ceiling.

_Why are you doing this to yourself?_

He squinted at the ceiling as if searching it for an answer. "Do I have a choice?"

_Do I?_

"I don't know."

He sighed as he sat up and turned his head toward the balcony, imagining himself there tomorrow aiming for the girl.

"She's a witch." He told himself before walking out to the balcony and looking out over the railing towards her room. The city looked so peaceful at this time of night, and the crisp air felt good on his skin. Two people were on a balcony not too far from hers, thoroughly enjoying each other, before retreating back inside still locked in embrace. Someone below her room was smoking and someone above hers was spying across to his building with a pair of binoculars. He looked up and over to see where the person was looking to see a woman in a bath towel, fixing her hair. He turned back to her balcony to see her coming out and leaning on the railing, eating something.

This really was the perfect spot, tomorrow when he had the scope he would easily be able to see in and get a good shot. A feeling of dread fell over him.

_Tomorrow._

Everything was going to change. He saw that she had gone back inside and did so himself. Without bothering to take his shoes off, he fell forward onto the bed. Could he handle that?

Memories of his suspiciousness of her when she first arrived, of worrying when he found she had trouble with aim, of the excitement she had when he started treating her like a partner, of her annoyance at receiving the glasses, of how she grew with every new hunt, of how everyone came together around her like a family. Memories of him and her sitting next to each other in his car, how she tried her hardest to stay awake on late night stake outs but would always fall asleep. Memories of him trying to protect her every time they were confronted by a witch, and of her protecting him.

He covered his head with a pillow and willed away the tears he feared from coming.

Memories of the pain he saw on her face as he shot at her and as he yelled at her.

---

He woke early the next morning and went to the place where he hunted her last night and took all the empty shells that he neglected dealing with the day before.

After depositing the shells along the freeway, he met with the people from the factory that would aid him in the attack tonight and they handed him a box that held the gun he was going to use.

He stopped at Harry's for a quick lunch, though he didn't have much of an appetite.

Upon retuning to the rented room he took the gun out of the box and set it by the door to the balcony. He glanced at his watch, knowing that he still had hours to go anyway.

The sinking feeling in his stomach had followed him wherever he went and the more he sat around, the worse it got. But he wasn't in the mood to do anything or see anyone, so he turned on the TV and stared at it blankly for the next few hours.

He went back to Harry's for an early supper and returned. He glanced at his watch again, nervous and painful anticipation about to burst from him. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at his hands.

_Can you really go through with this?_

These hands were already stained with many other's blood, even comrade's, what would one more change if he added her to the list? "Why now, of all times, do I decided to become moral?" He whispered to himself.

His cell ringed and he picked it up, receiving the message that he knew it was. "She has left Raven's Flat."

He placed the phone back into his pocket and took to pacing the room.

_You can't do this._

"I have to."

_You could protect her._

"Yeah, but then what?" He knew there wasn't much that he could do if he abandoned the organization. He could run with her but it wasn't like- that would be…It wasn't an option.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Why are you even thinking this!" It was just another hunt. It was just another hunt. Just because he knew her didn't make a difference.

_But it does! This isn't like last time!_

Outside he saw her drive up to her building on the vespa. "Damn it!" He shouted and punched the wall, bits of plaster and paint fell to the floor. All he wanted was more time. He turned his gaze to the gun lying on the floor. He didn't need 'time', he just needed to do it. Grabbing the gun, he stalked out to the balcony and laid down, placing the barrel between the railing posts.

He snapped on the scope and waited, staring into the room from the small section of window not covered by curtains made just for him. Finally he saw movement, she was coming in the door. When she flicked the lights on for a split second, he caught the horror and worry on he face of seeing her roommate tied up.

_She's not evil._

"Stop it." He told himself. "I have to go through with this."

_You'll regret it._

"I don't care."

_Yes you do, last night…_

He felt like he was deflating. Last night…if she were gone…He held his head in his hands. "God, damn it, I can't-" He froze, hearing the first shot fired. Fear filled him, was she alright? More sots were fired repeatedly. Through the scope he saw her get hit in the shoulder. He was so scared, he felt the pain as if he was the one who had been shot and his stomach twisted painfully in knots.

He looked down at his gun and got to his knees. Glancing between the building and the gun, he rose to his feet and stepped back. "I-I can't do this."

_I have to help her!_

He turned and ran out of the room and down the stairs, stumbling a few times. His steps were quick and shaky with panic. "I have to, I have to." He panted as he darted across the street, narrowly avoiding a car.

As he ran up the steps to her building he recognized a car parked next to it.

_Karasuma's!_

If the others were here to help her…He slowed his pace and calmed down. "She's safe."

He entered the building and immediately saw her running around the corner into him.

"Sorry." She tried to move by him, not realizing who it was, but when he didn't budge she looked up. She was panting heavily and covered in sweat, looking up at him in confusion and disbelief before her eyes lost focus and her body crumpled to the ground.

He lifted her into his arms, her small frame was so light and his heart ached.

_She's only a child._

He looked up from her pained face as his two comrades came rushing down the stairs. They stopped in surprise and gave him suspicious stares.

"What are you doing here?"

He didn't answer. Only turned to leave the building as the sounds of police sirens became loud. Her eyes opened again and her miserable eyes refused to look at him.

Police and everyone from their branch was already there, staring at him as if he had something to do with it. He ignored their voices and stares as he placed her in the back of a trusted teammates' car.

He joined the rest of the team, discussing and worrying. But he had tuned them out, all he could see or focus on was her looking defeated through the car's window. She was staring straight at him, glaring.

She knew.

At that moment all his barriers came tumbling down and the car drove away. The only thing he wanted was to chase after it and explain everything, cry and tell her he was sorry. How could she ever forgive him though?

She knew.

He felt like falling to his knees in despair. He shouldn't have done it in the first place. Why did he pull that trigger? If he could go back in time and change things, he would.

She _knew. _She knew he was the worst kind of person. Even witches were better than the likes of him. He couldn't see the car anymore.

"How did you know to come here?" Someone asked.

He glared at them and headed to his car.

"Amon!"

He drove off.

Not much later he slowed as he came near Raven's Flat. He looked out the window towards it.

"I'm sorry." He choked out, knowing that no one could hear him. "I'll make it up to you, I promise I'll…I'll give you a reason to forgive me."

He sped up and passed the building that held so many memories of her.

"Robin."

* * *

I know this is a common thing to write about, but i felt i had to. It was a lot of fun and i feel like i know the characters a bit more. I really wanted to throw in a little AXR thing at the end but decided against it. Please review!


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